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Subject: PracticalDad: Being Appropriate with the Kids Date: 2010-03-15 PracticalDad:  Being Appropriate with the Kids By Don Harrold www.practicaldad.com Most fathers understand that there have to be behavioral boundaries with the children.  We understand that the kids will mimic us and learn the cues for what is and is not appropriate behavior.  It’s simpler when they're young:  No cussing or sexual humor; minimal or no violence on television; decent treatment of other people; good self-control, especially in terms of tobacco and alcohol, and absolutely no drugs.  But as they age, the lines blur.  And accordingly, I have to reconsider what's appropriate versus still inappropriate. A recent weekend was a case in point.  I've watched Saturday Night Live since its inception, although I can go for years without viewing if the cast is poor.  The cast for the past several seasons has been decent so I do watch periodically.  Now that Eldest is in high school, she's begun to watch with me and it can actually provoke decent conversation.  But I have to reconsider what's appropriate when the skit pertains to an ESPN women's sporting event sponsored by Vagisil.  So, do I turn it off or let it play through to the next skit and Update with Seth Meyers?  What's my criteria for appropriateness in the future?  Is it a behavior or activity that in any way causes emotional or mental discomfort?  I still occasionally wrestle with the boys, but ceased doing so years ago with my daughter because it made me uncomfortable as she developed physically.  That also means that I have to pay attention for such signs from the kids, who might be uncomfortable saying something. Does it promote an activity or lifestyle that I find unhealthy, immoral or unwholesome?  Wholesome is a word that's nowadays derided as hypocritical or, at best, incredibly naïve.  But the definition connotes something that helps to complete - or make whole - a person.  Old Cheech and Chong skits were funny when I was younger but I can't bring myself to watch them now. Does it blur the parental line so that I'm not so much father as peer?  The kids still need to remember that I'm their father and my concern is that behaving too much as a peer undermines that authority.  Kids are great at playing Moral Battleship and blowing holes in the parental hull by noting inconsistencies in words and actions.  Why make it easier for them? Does it condone illegal behavior?  Things are illegal for a reason and I've been frank that I won't allow games like Grand Theft Auto as it makes that kind of life appear acceptable and exciting.  This is also why I made Middle turn off Youtube comedy videos about marijuana as it promotes what is a gateway drug; he doesn't know that I knew people who put out more effort to score a bag than a decent grade or a job. Will it demean people?  This is why I won't watch most reality shows, which place people in situations that cause them to have to lower themselves to win. Every circumstance isn't clear and it does require conscious evaluation.  But perhaps now I understand why my own father opted to go to bed instead of watching SNL with me when I was a teenager. Don Harrold is the creator of PracticalDad and a father who resigned from corporate life to manage a household and raise three children.  Along with discovering the trials and joys of fatherhood, he shows dads how to redefine what it is to be a father who's blending that with roles previously held by the mother. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. Back